Trust in the Lord

I almost began this entry as "medical insurance frustrations", but realized I need to have a different take on the whole thing...

Anyway, I just need to vent and get some of my thoughts out in writing (I process and communicate the best through writing), so I thought I would write it on here instead of in my normal journal, which is what I plan on doing sometimes... this way, people can know what is going on with me more, and if anyone reads this, they can pray for me and this situation...

SO, I could go off forever about all I have researched and dealt with when it comes to insurance and having babies... but I will spare the gorey detail -- just know, it is a mess, and I have been dealing with it since before Samuel was even born. My problem seems to be three-fold: 1. there are options, but I don't really care for any of them; 2. we don't have regular health insurance since Jason is mostly employed by the church, so we buy it on our own, but the deductible is so high we really can't use it; 3. we seem to fall into this really lame category where we make too much to qualify for certain programs that are useful and too little to qualify for the programs that I really wish we could be in.

So, I know this is all a little obscure, but here's the situation -- even if we had good health insurance, there are not really any doctors in this town that I would be excited about having deliver this baby. I am very into natural childbirth, but few if any in this town are very supportive of it. I have considered having a home birth with a mid-wife, but that seems a little scary and risky and it would cost quite a bit, and Jason is not a fan of it. No doctors in town are taking the Medi-Cal that I qualify for, so that basically leaves me stuck at the county health clinic, which just seems like my worst nightmare. Today I thought there was some hope on the horizon - that there was one doctor left in town who accepted Medi-Cal, and had a nurse midwife that he worked with that delivered babies. That is my dream really, is to have a hospital birth with a midwife. However, when I called to make an appointment, accepting the fact that the first available one wasn't until April, they said they don't accept the kind of Medi-Cal I have, they only accept this other one that I can't get because we make too much money!!! That was when I just felt like throwing in the towel and giving up on doing anything about the whole thing. I guess I thought maybe I should just pretend I'm not pregnant, and then when a baby shows up, just push him or her out, and there they would be... just like in the old days!

Okay, well, I know that is probably not the best option, but like I said, there are at least options. I'm not so sure going to some lame doctor or being herded like a cow through the county health clinic sounds much better of options...

But, all that venting to say that I have to come back to this main point, that God knew I would be pregnant right now at a time in Santa Barbara when no doctors are accepting medi-cal patients, and He knows how I am going to have this baby and He has a plan. So, I guess I will just patiently wait for that plan to be revealed, and will trust in Him.

An Experiment

I know it would be a good idea to have a central place that people can go and get updates on our family... yet, I have resisted this idea for three years now. I don't know if it the overwhelmingness of the idea, the rebel in me that doesn't want to do what everyone else is doing, or my fear of being unfaithful with its upkeep, but nevertheless, I begin this blog with doubt even now.

In fact, I don't think I will tell anyone about it until I have proven myself faithful to put entries in it over the course of a few months. If I am to do it, and do it well, I think I will let it be a sort of journaling process...sharing what God is up to in our lives and our community (which currently is Isla Vista, CA), and maybe some updates on the kids...but, we will see! I know something I will probably not be very good at is posting pictures, even though that is what most people love, but you never know!

Anyway, so let me attempt to share some of the latest happenings in our life:

-- I am pregnant with our third baby, and am only about 8 weeks along, so I am in the midst of feeling terrible all day "morning sickness" and hating even the thought of food, much less eating it. I am so tired, and feel like I can't accomplish anything right now... and yet, I am trying to think positively and be thankful and lean on God and not complain too much. I'm not making any promises though :)

--Samuel turned three about a month ago, and we are in the midst of potty training - he is about half-way there. Hope is just over one and walking now and getting into anything and everything she possibly can. She keeps me ridiculously on my toes and yet keeps me laughing and smiling almost all day long. She is so seriously cute and funny, & so is Samuel, I love that he can talk so much now and he is my little friend and companion now, rather than just a toddler whom I had to chase after all day long.

--We are still pressing forward in Isla Vista, contending for the students here and working to provide a church body that knows how to exhibit love, discipleship, passion, & faithfulness. It has now been five years of Isla Vista Church's existence, and it has been quite a journey. Perhaps one of these days I can write a post on the journey and history...that would be good for me to reflect on. For now, all I can say is that God has been specifically calling me to remember and hold fast to many of the promises He's given me and many others for this land over the past 10 years (that was when I first came up to Westmont and began doing ministry in IV-- I can't believe it has been that long now!).