Trust in the Lord

I almost began this entry as "medical insurance frustrations", but realized I need to have a different take on the whole thing...

Anyway, I just need to vent and get some of my thoughts out in writing (I process and communicate the best through writing), so I thought I would write it on here instead of in my normal journal, which is what I plan on doing sometimes... this way, people can know what is going on with me more, and if anyone reads this, they can pray for me and this situation...

SO, I could go off forever about all I have researched and dealt with when it comes to insurance and having babies... but I will spare the gorey detail -- just know, it is a mess, and I have been dealing with it since before Samuel was even born. My problem seems to be three-fold: 1. there are options, but I don't really care for any of them; 2. we don't have regular health insurance since Jason is mostly employed by the church, so we buy it on our own, but the deductible is so high we really can't use it; 3. we seem to fall into this really lame category where we make too much to qualify for certain programs that are useful and too little to qualify for the programs that I really wish we could be in.

So, I know this is all a little obscure, but here's the situation -- even if we had good health insurance, there are not really any doctors in this town that I would be excited about having deliver this baby. I am very into natural childbirth, but few if any in this town are very supportive of it. I have considered having a home birth with a mid-wife, but that seems a little scary and risky and it would cost quite a bit, and Jason is not a fan of it. No doctors in town are taking the Medi-Cal that I qualify for, so that basically leaves me stuck at the county health clinic, which just seems like my worst nightmare. Today I thought there was some hope on the horizon - that there was one doctor left in town who accepted Medi-Cal, and had a nurse midwife that he worked with that delivered babies. That is my dream really, is to have a hospital birth with a midwife. However, when I called to make an appointment, accepting the fact that the first available one wasn't until April, they said they don't accept the kind of Medi-Cal I have, they only accept this other one that I can't get because we make too much money!!! That was when I just felt like throwing in the towel and giving up on doing anything about the whole thing. I guess I thought maybe I should just pretend I'm not pregnant, and then when a baby shows up, just push him or her out, and there they would be... just like in the old days!

Okay, well, I know that is probably not the best option, but like I said, there are at least options. I'm not so sure going to some lame doctor or being herded like a cow through the county health clinic sounds much better of options...

But, all that venting to say that I have to come back to this main point, that God knew I would be pregnant right now at a time in Santa Barbara when no doctors are accepting medi-cal patients, and He knows how I am going to have this baby and He has a plan. So, I guess I will just patiently wait for that plan to be revealed, and will trust in Him.